One of the hardest parts about being on the LGBTQ spectrum is having to learn the hard way that your friends don’t necessarily want to snuggle, hold hands, or hug the way that you want to. Because they’re straight. They don’t want to hear from you every other day and hang out once a week. Because they’re straight. They don’t feel comfortable changing in front of you or sharing a bed. Because you’re straight.
Being the only lesbian is terribly lonely.
Being the only lesbian in the group, but still not being able to come out of the closet because you simply don’t know yet why you’re different, is even worse.
My friends in high school were all boy crazy. They gave me a hard time because I sucked at giving boy advice and because I never felt the need to invite guys to my birthday pool parties. In fact, I think that the only guys I invited were gay. They had no idea about themselves, either. Actually, that’s not true. We all knew. We just weren’t ready yet to make it known.
My friends still give me a hard time for never wearing make-up. I hate that, because it makes me feel like a total guy. I mean, I don’t have a problem with girls who are masculine. I just don’t think that it fits me. It makes me look gross. Not everybody. But me, yes.
But at the same time, traditional values that tell me I should embrace my girliness really piss me off. A friend of mine thinks that part of my brokenness (which we all have, from the Christian perspective) is that I’m disgusted by femininity. I don’t have a problem with the enjoyment of girl things, like baking, make-up, and knitting. I have enjoyed those things. I have a problem with women who go out of their way to dress like Barbie, wear as much make-up as a clown, giggle at the stupidest things, and talk like bimbos because they think that that’s what it means to be girly.
I’d rather be at the batting cages, or eating pizza with a coke in front of a movie on Saturday night. Forget the stupid heels.
Okay. Heels sometimes.
But, see? That’s the point. Because I’m on the LGBTQ spectrum, the whole gender thing just isn’t as clear cut. I’m not saying that every girly girl is straight and that every tomboy is gay. I’m just saying that gender, sexual orientation, and societal expectations are all different things. I’m a bit of a tom, but I definitely have my girly moments. I find all genders to be sexy, but as of now, I want to see what it’s like to have a girlfriend.
It’s all just really complicated, but people think it’s as easy as making carbon copies.